Not Meant To Be By Your Side
by tsumara
Summary: Kanzeon was bored and decided to interfere with the Sanzo-tachi to make things more fun.... Well, at least that was her intention. Is being edited and rewritten. Edited: Ch 1-4.
1. Meeting An Old Friend

This story is under some editing, and possibly some major alteration on the plot. Thanks.

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine. But Mara is...

Enjoy!

* * *

Not Meant To Be By Your Side

Kanzeon Bosatsu sat alone on her chair nearby the pond filled with blooming lotus, her legs crossed and her left hand propping her head, a yawn escaped her mouth as she gazed down on the quarreling Sanzo-tachi. She was getting really bored watching them lately. Everyday was the same old routine,the same old bickering and fighting, the same old swearwords, Kanzeon was just straight out bored of it. She felt the need to spice up this trip and make it the entertaining show that it was once. Kanzeon kept on spinning her brain, how could she make their trip watch-worthy again? Kanzeon smirked as a solution popped up into her brain.

* * *

Chapter 1: Meeting an Old Friend

The sun was already setting when the gang arrived at a small village, one of the many that they crossed on their little picnic to the West. They have been traveling for months and months but their destination seemed to be no where nearer. The four got off the jeep, chattering as the white dragon transformed. After the dragon had settled on its master' shoulder, they started looking around for an inn where they could spend a night in. After an hour wasted on searching for an inn, the group found out that this small village had no inn. This really threw them into a bad mood, Goku started yelling about food and as always Gojyo tried to shut him up when in the end, both of them were forced to shut up by Sanzo's Harisen.

Hakuryuu 'kyuu'ed when it sensed that its owner wasn't feeling as cheerful as he was one hour ago. It tried to comfort its owner by nuzzling him, the white dragon received a pet from Hakkai as a reward for its effort.

Gojyo, obviously annoyed at Sanzo, turned his back on Sanzo, 'tch'ing all the while. Focused on his annoyance towards the priest and at the thought of spending another night under the sky, he lost control of his own feet and accidentally bumped into a girl with long grey hair. Her hair covered half of her face, revealing only her left grey eye. She was wrapped in black trousers a white long-sleeved shirt, the boots that she wore reached up to the lower part of her knees.

"Excuse me." Said the grey head to Gojyo, she went stiff as her eyes met with Hakkai's.

Gojyo was about to say something, but then he noticed the sudden change of atmosphere after his emerald-eyed companion locked eye with the grey head. He remained silent.

Hakkai had a weird feeling that the girl wasn't that much of a stranger to him, but how did he know her before? "Excuse me Miss, but do I know you from somewhere?" asked Hakkai, he was still seeking information from his brain about this girl, who was smiling at him by then. Suddenly, Hakkai saw the younger version of this girl in his mind, memories of her flooded his brain. "It's very surprising to see you here, Mara." Said Hakkai with his usual smile, Sanzo took a glance at Mara and looked away.

"Glad you remember me, Gono-san." Replied the girl with a smile on her face, her eyes lingered on Sanzo for a few seconds before returning to Hakkai.

"Gono? Oi Hakkai, you know this girl?" Asked Gojyo suddenly butting into the conversation, he stood beside Hakkai with a hand on Hakkai's shoulder, the one that was Hakuryuu free of course. Gojyo stared at the girl with a puzzled look on his face.

Mara raised an eyebrow. "Hakkai?" Asked her near to laughter as she remembered the meaning of 'Hakkai'. Mara covered her mouth with a hand, not wanting to be rude and laugh at his name.

Hakkai chuckled uneasily and broke a sweat. "It's a very long story. Anyway, do you live around here?" asked Hakkai, still feeling a little awkward. Something just didn't feel right to him.

"Yeah, you and your companions looking for a place to stay over the night?" asked her as she analyzed the faces that her senior was walking around with, Hakkai nodded at her. "Come to my house then, it's pretty big so you guys can have a lot of space for each of you."

Hakkai smiled gladly and said his thanks to the girl, which she returned with a smile and a slight nod of the head.

Mara petted Hakuryuu and it 'kyuu'ed, she thought the white dragon was cute. For some unknown reason, she found her previous action to be a bit strange and amusing at the same time.

"And do you have anything to eat?" Asked Goku eagerly, too eager for his own good. Before Mara could say anything, Sanzo's Harisen already landed a harsh blow to the back of Goku's head.

Mara giggled a little as another bead of sweat appeared on Hakkai's forehead, Gojyo was having the time of his life, laughing his head off behind the monocled man, Hakuryuu 'kyuu'ed again.

"Be quiet, saru." Snapped Sanzo at the mumbling Goku, he lit another cigarette, grinding the one he had just finished under his foot.

Mara was somewhat amused at the way they interacted with each other, but she kept her thoughts to herself because she didn't need some monk glaring daggers at her for giggling.

"Please excuse them, they are always like that." Hakkai said apologetically.

Mara shook her head and ruffled Goku's hair. The action caused Goku to mutter even more incoherent things. "Would you rather have dinner first?"

Hakkai chuckled at her question. "I think yes."

Mara smiled at Hakkai, and turned her head at Goku. "Well then, come with me. I know the best restaurant around here." Said Mara, she watched in silence as Goku jumped around, happy about getting some food. Sanzo swing his Harisen again and threw another hit on Goku's head. Mara fixed her gaze at Sanzo, smiling sadly as she watched Sanzo scolding Goku.

Gojyo took notice of her sad smile and followed her gaze. He arched a brow after he realized that she was staring at Sanzo, who she just met. Gojyo was about to asked her about it when he got distracted by a pretty young thing passing by, winking at him.

* * *

"Where's your brother?" asked Hakkai to Mara when they have finished their dinner. As usual, dinner was laden with cursing, stealing others food and wasting some bullets on the ceiling just to end the argument.

There was a moment of silence before Mara answered his question. "He died about two years ago." Replied Mara quietly. Her smiley face turned emotionless.

Hakkai could see no emotions playing in her eyes, which he found odd for someone who was very attached to her brother. "Would you mind telling me how?"

Mara shook her head silently "He thought that life was too hard for him to handle and then he decided to kill himself by doing drugs." Mara said lightly.

"And then what happen?"

Mara shrugged her shoulders at Goku's question. "I decided to move out from the house, I got here just about a year ago." They all fell silent, lost in their own mind, thinking quietly while trying to find a proper thing to say, well except for Sanzo, who cared nothing about being nice even for a bit.

* * *

"This is my house, make yourselves at home" Said Mara as she opened the door and walked into her house, the other four followed her into the big house with walls painted white. The emptiness of her house, caused by the lack of furniture, gave the illusion that the house was ridiculously spacious.

"This is a pretty big house for you to live alone" commented Gojyo as he looked around the house, Mara smiled as she walked into the only bedroom on that floor. Hakuryuu took off from its master's shoulder and landed on Mara's. Mara smiled and petted him.

"Me and a few friends of mine used to live here until a few months ago, they decided to travel around for a change and left me here alone." Said Mara, she walked out with four blankets in hand. "You guys mind giving me some hands with those pillows and bed sheets?" asked her as she point into the room by cocking her head back. And then they all, except for Sanzo, got busy putting on the bed sheets and stuff without noticing that it was beginning to rain.


	2. Rainy Morning

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is not mine, Mara is....

* * *

Chapter 2: Rainy Morning

"Good morning, Mara. Did you sleep well last night?" Asked Hakkai to Mara as he entered the kitchen with Hakuryuu on his shoulder. He found her cooking alone in the kitchen, back turned towards him.

Mara smiled and carried on cooking. "No, not really, I couldn't stand the rain. But I'm okay." Mara said. She had her head slightly turned to Hakkai.

Hakkai walked towards her and said, "Tell you what, I'll finish the cooking and you'll go wake the others." Said he placing his hand on Mara's shoulder, which Mara gently swept away as she turned around and smiled.

"It's halfway done, but thank you anyway. To tell you the truth, I'm in no mood to cook."

Hakkai chuckled lightly. "I should probably warn you, waking Gojyo and Goku needs patience. And leave Sanzo alone, he never feels well when it's raining."

"I know." Whispered Mara quietly.

Unfortunately Hakkai heard her, but he wasn't sure if he had heard her correctly. "Excuse me?" Said Hakkai, thinking that his ears were pulling tricks on him.

"Nothing."

"Kyuu." Chirped the dragon, Mara laughed and petted it.

"If you are complaining about how hungry you are, then you are not the only one who should be complaining." She chuckled as the white dragon 'kyuu'ed again, as if it was saying that it was hungry. Mara then bowed to Hakkai and Hakuryuu like how a servant would bow to the master. "Your wish is my command, sir." And with Hakkai laughing, she left the kitchen and went upstairs to wake Goku and Gojyo.

As she walked silently, she couldn't stop thinking about Sanzo. She blushed at the thought of the gloomy blond priest, she shook her head and pulled herself together. She stopped in front of Gojyo's room and knocked on the door. "Gojyo, wake up." After hearing no respond from the room, she opened the door and found Gojyo sleeping soundly. She then walked towards the bed and shook Gojyo's shoulder, "Morning sleepy head, it's time to wake up."

"I'm up, gee Hakkai be a little more gentle would ya?" Mara held back her laughter as she saw the messed-up-version of Gojyo's face, with his hair in a mess and a little saliva coming out from the corner of his mouth.

"Get a grip and open your eyes. I'm not Hakkai, Gojyo. Hakkai's downstairs preparing breakfast. Get up and wash your face, you look like a train wreck." Mara said still holding back her laughter. Gojyo blushed as he realized the situation that he was in, Mara left Gojyo flushing and walked to the next room.

"Hey Goku, wake up. It's time for breakfast." Said Mara a little loudly from in front of the door, and then came a very loud thud sound from inside the room. "Hey are you alright, Goku?" asked Mara rushing into the room and found Goku barely awake, head on the floor while half of his body was still up on the bed. Mara laughed at the sight in front of her, Goku cracked his eyes open.

"What? 's it time for breakfast already?" asked Goku sleepily, Mara got to his side and helped him get to his feet.

"Hakkai's preparing breakfast right now, go wash your face and after that we'll have some breakfast."

"Ok." Replied Goku cheerfully, wide awake at the word breakfast. Mara stared at Goku's disappearing back. She shook some very disturbing thoughts about her past off her mind and walked towards Sanzo's room. Though Hakkai told her to leave Sanzo alone, she just couldn't help herself. She entered the room after receiving no answer for her knocks.

"Excuse me." Mara said walking into the room, she found Sanzo up on his bed, smoking absent-mindedly as he stared at the scenery outside the window. "Sanzo, are going to join us downstairs or you will have your breakfast here?"

"I'm not hungry." Replied Sanzo coldly in his grumpy tone, he didn't bother to took his eyes off the sky outside.

Mara walked towards him and sat beside him. Mara stared at him. Sanzo ignored her, Mara then smiled and walked to the door, "I hope the rain will stop, that way you will be feeling much better, right?" Said Mara before completely walking out from the room, waiting a reaction from the blond. Sanzo flinched and shifted his gaze towards the almost closed door, wondering how Mara knew about him being cranky on rainy day. But then, Sanzo thought that Hakkai told her about it and let it passed. Mara closed the door after a moment of silence. Again, a sad smile crossed her lips.

* * *

"Where's Sanzo?" asked Goku while looking around for Sanzo, who was not present at the dining room.

"In his room, he's feeling a little bit unwell." Answered Mara in a tone that clearly told him to drop the subject, she took her seat and started eating silently. Hakkai and Gojyo followed Mara, and then last came Goku, taking a little bit of his food.

"Is he sick?" asked Goku again, not satisfied with her answer.

"No, it's just... you know how he gets when it's raining, I suppose this isn't the first time that he gone all gloomy because of the rain. Just leave him alone and he'll be normal again when the rain stops." Goku lost his smile and ate silently. The breakfast went by quietly, Gojyo didn't try to steal Goku's food nor did he tease the young brunette.

* * *

"Nee Mara, do you really think he's going to be okay?" Asked Goku with his head on the table when they have finished their breakfast. The three were still sitting in the dining room, accompanying Mara as she washed the dishes. She politely refused any kind of help that the freeloaders offered her after breakfast.

"Goku, he's not a little kid and he's wise enough to look after himself. I'm sure he won't do anything stupid." _I hope_. Mara maintained her cool and smiled to no one in particular. "Well, at least he doesn't look like he's stupid enough to harm himself." The words lightened up Goku's mood, he lifted his head from the table, smiling brightly like usual.

Both of the older men were relieved as well as confused by Mara's understanding towards their priest and her comforting words towards Goku. Didn't she just meet them yesterday? How come she knew so much about Sanzo? And how did she knew the proper way to deal with Goku's concern?

"Come to think of it, you are right. But how did you know what he's like?" Asked Goku innocently, his voice was filled with curiosity but there was no hint of suspicion at all.

Hakkai wished that Mara was facing him so he could, at the very least, analyze her mask-like face. He couldn't quite place his fingers on Mara's thoughts with her back turned towards him, he wasn't even sure of what her thoughts were when she was face to face with him.

Mara froze, pain gnawing her feelings. Memories from the past time were invading her mind. She placed the plate that she was washing down at the sink and was holding her chest with one hand, she leaned on the other hand that was clutching the edge of the sink for support.

Hakuryuu then flied towards her and took a sit on her shoulder, it nuzzled her but she didn't respond.

"Mara?" called Hakkai.

Mara remained silent and unmoving.

"Mara, are you ok?" Asked Gojyo, he got onto his feet and walked up towards Mara and stopped a few steps behind her. "Hey, are you ok?"

Mara, who regained complete control of her emotions, turned around to Gojyo and forced a smile on her face. "I'm fine, thank you." Then Mara fell silent as she noticed that the others sensed the presence of other creatures just as she did.

"This is not good." Hakkai said as he and Goku got up "Well, I guess we better take it outside. Don't want to ruin your house now do we?" And with that he, Goku, and Gojyo ran outside through the back door.

Mara stood on the doorway with Hakuryuu resting on her shoulder, leaning against the door, watching the guys fighting off those demons. As always, it was a one-sided battle. Still, the guys got really busy because there were a lot of demons while they were missing one pair of helping hand. Not too long after the battle started, one of them spotted Mara and decided to try and make her a hostage.

Hakkai spotted the demon going straight towards Mara, he wanted to go and shield her but was blocked by a bunch of demons. Finally, Hakkai warned Mara about it. "Mara, watch out!" Yelled Hakkai as he blocked another attack with his energy shield.

Gojyo and Goku both shifted their heads towards Mara. They tried to reach her place but got blocked by other demons as well.

Mara told Hakuryuu to find somewhere safe to sit, it obeyed her and flied inside. Mara got her eyes back to the demon when he was a few steps away from her. When the demon reached her place, she took out her 45 cm dagger that she hid in her boots and slaughtered the demon.

"Now, that's what I called dangerously beautiful." Gojyo said to no one in particular, everybody froze. All of them stared in awe at Mara.

Mara smiled towards them. "Mind if I join you guys?" asked her as she walked gracefully to the battlefield.

"Yes, that would be helpful, please enjoy yourself." Said Hakkai before he shot another energy ball at a demon near him, Gojyo smirked while Goku grinned from ear to ear.

The fighters went on fighting without noticing that someone was staring at the fight under the rain. He was thinking deeply as he lit his eighteenth cigarette, he let out a sad smile before turning his back towards the window and took a seat on his bed.

He smiled again before leaning back against the wall beside the bed, lost in thought. Memories of that unfortunate night flooded his mind. His master's face was pale, cold, and splashed with a few drops of his own blood. That face was never that cold and pale, that face was always warm and decorated with calm smiles. With those thoughts, he closed his eyes.

* * *

"Damn those demons. They just can't find the right time to attack us." Complained Gojyo as he took off his brown jacket, Hakkai just laughed lightly at his statement, while Goku kept on mumbling about how he hate fighting with the rain falling on him. Hakuryuu was sitting on Mara's shoulder. It was dry and clean because it stayed inside the house, it 'kyuu'ed.

"You guys better take a nice warm bath. I will get some clothes for you guys." Mara said as she walked towards the stairs. She came to a halt when she saw Sanzo leaning against the wall, a half burnt cigarette between his lips. A smile grew on Mara's face "Felling better?" Asked Mara, her smile grew wider as she locked eyes with Sanzo, he flashed Mara a smile that only lasted a second.

"Hmp, mind your own business." Said he in his usual monotone voice, making Mara shrugged her shoulders, she then ran upstairs to get some clothes.

* * *

Later that night, Sanzo switched from one position to another on his bed. His brain kept on spinning without resting. So many thoughts running to his mind. It's already past midnight but he still couldn't bring his eyelids down and keep it shut. He then decided to go outside to clear his mind.

Mara, who was used to sleep just a few hours before dawn, was at the balcony with a book in her hands. She wasn't really focusing on the book. The balcony connected the entire room on that floor together.

Sanzo lit a cigarette and went to the balcony. The two were really distracted with whatever it were that lingered in their minds to notice that they were not alone. When the two finally noticed, they were locked in an eye contact, neither of them expecting the other to be there. After getting rid of her surprise, Mara decided to ask a very simple and common question that everybody else would ask in this situation.

"Couldn't you sleep?" asked Mara to Sanzo, who was smoking with his eyes turned to the sky above him.

The clear night sky was filled with starts, accompanied by the full moon while the clouds were no where in sight. A short moment of silence before Sanzo opened his mouth to answer Mara's question.

"Nope." He replied simply.

"So, are you guys leaving tomorrow?" Asked Mara quietly, Sanzo nodded in silence. Silence came and took control of the whole situation. Mara, didn't know what to say as she stared at the full moon.

At the time being Sanzo is confused, he realized that he had a special feeling that developed over night for her, it felt like he had known her before and he cared for her then but his memories of those times were lost. Still, he didn't want to feel the pain of losing someone dear to him. Bearing those three guys alone had place so much worry in his mind, but now this? Not to mention how it would crack his image when the others, especially Gojyo, found out about this. He could lose his face completely.

Sanzo and Mara both know that they had wounds caused by losing someone dear to them, and the wound never really healed for them both. Both saw the similarity in each other. Their eyes looked like a reflection of the other, yet they held something slightly different.

Both felt really comfortable and safe around each other, Sanzo couldn't explain why and he didn't want to care about it. Of course he felt safe and comfy from time to time when he was with the others, but it was nice to feel comfortable and safe without having to yell, or be annoyed at those around him. The both of them felt really calm and almost at peace that they almost forgot about those dreadful nightmares of their lives. Sanzo felt like they have known each other from a long time ago.

"What's wrong?" Asked Mara when she noticed that Sanzo was so deep in his thought. And the thought was a very disturbing one, disturbing enough to make Sanzo looked so, well, disturbed. Sanzo flushed a bit and then looked the other way.

"Nothing." He said shortly.

Mara smiled a bit before she got on her feet with her book closed in her hands, and then with her back turned on Sanzo, smiling to herself, she said. "Go to sleep. You don't want to feel sleepy around those two." Said Mara, slightly turning her head towards Sanzo, she then made her way back into her bedroom.

Sanzo stared at her disappearing back; he smiled quietly and leaned on the wall behind him.


	3. The Journey Continue

Some major re-writing in this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki, Mara, however, is mine.

* * *

Chapter 3: The Journey Continues

"Remind me again why is _she_ coming along with us?" Asked Sanzo as he pointed his thumb towards Mara, who was sitting beside Goku. She was talking quietly with the two creatures sitting on the back side of the jeep.

"It's the Kanzeon Bosatsu's order." Replied Hakkai, a smile crept on his face.

* * *

"You want us to what?" Asked Sanzo loudly to Kanzeon, she managed to get Sanzo's attention off the newspaper after she told him why she was there.

"I want you to take this girl with you. She will be very useful in this mission." Repeated Kanzeon with her hands on her hips and a very mysterious smile on her face.

"No, I will not take her" Said Sanzo, he got to his feet and made his way out from the room.

"Ah, come on Sanzo. It's not like she's a trouble to us." Said Gojyo with a cigarette hanging loosely between his lips, his remarks received nods from Goku and a 'kyuu' from Hakuryuu. Sanzo stayed quiet.

"Fine, I'll just have to make the Three Aspects discharge your credit card." Kanzeon let out a grin at the uproar that was ready to break in the room.

* * *

"I hope I'm not troubling you guys." Mara said apologetically to the Sanzo-ikkou, hearing what Sanzo asked just now.

"No, not at all. Hakkai will have an extra help on cooking and having a lady to travel with is a very nice addition." Said Gojyo with a wink.

Mara chuckled and winked back at the red-headed smoker before having another giggle. "Nah, I'm not into cooking. I can cook but I don't like to. It's too troublesome."

"By the way Mara, is it alright for you to left that house? I mean you were living there with some friends, right?" Asked Hakkai, not taking his eyes off the road before him.

"I already left a note in the house, and I told the villagers to tell my friends about me leaving the village. If they ever return, that is." Said Mara calmly.

"Hakkai, how much longer until we reach the next town? I'm starving." Whined Goku, flashing Mara his cute puppy-eyed face.

Mara laughed and ruffled Goku's hair. The siblingly gesture made Gojyo jealous, thoughts started running around in his mind.

"Two more hours perhaps." Replied Hakkai.

Mara noticed that a pair of crimson eyes was watching her, she turned only to find Gojyo frowning. "Gojyo?"

"Nothing." Replied Gojyo. He smiled and turned to face his right.

Mara wasn't the only one who noticed Gojyo's sudden change of mood, Sanzo stole glances from the rear view mirror and saw everything. _Not even a day after she joined us, already__ there's__ a storm brewing._ Thought Sanzo to himself.

Mara started chatting with Goku after deciding that it was best to let it rest. She would talk to Gojyo if more more similar problems started to show.

Gojyo didn't know where the jealousy was coming from, he wasn't even serious when he thought to himself about Mara as a potential date, she was just... too hard to reach. He didn't know why, but he felt that way towards her. _Maybe it's that invisible wall that she build around her_, thought Gojyo. If that is the case, why is he very annoyed to see Goku and Mara bonding like this? Why did he feel a longing towards her, to be the one that she was joking around with? Gojyo sighed, he didn't like complicated things and yet he was the one complicating things.

* * *

They arrived at another village earlier than they expected, it was somewhere in the late afternoon when they were already settled in their own private rooms after enjoying a delicious lunch. During lunch Gojyo was acting normally, though dark looks would popped up in his eyes from time to time, those looks were gone as quickly as it showed up. Hakkai happened to catch a few of those looks, Mara and Sanzo caught Hakkai staring at Gojyo but when they turned to look at him, those looks were already gone. Mara turned to Sanzo just in time to met his eyes. They stared at each other, as if they were discussing about it silently through their eyes. Mara sighed and continued eating, Sanzo turned to Gojyo and saw him talking quietly with Hakkai, Goku oblivious to all of the activity around him as he gulped down an insane amount of food. Sanzo looked down at his food. He had to do something quickly, before any big trouble arise.

That afternoon, Sanzo was sitting alone in his room, trying to solve this matter alone but alas he had no idea of what to do. He had the upper half of his robe dangling from his waist, his gun tucked safely somewhere beneath the robe. Sanzo rubbed his temples to try and stop the migraine from getting worse. He then decided that he should probably go and talk to Hakkai about this. He got up, pocketing a pack of cigarette and a lighter with him, and reached for the door only to hear a few knocks on it. He opened the door and found Mara standing before him, startled.

"That was fast." Said her.

"What do you want?" Asked Sanzo monotonously.

"I'm worried about Gojyo." Replied Mara. "We should do something about it before something happen."

"It's already happening." He took a step forward, forcing Mara to step back. He closed the door and headed for Hakkai's room, Mara walking by his side silently.

The two walked into Hakkai's room, they found the monocled man sitting on his bed, knees drawn to his chest as he stared off into the wall in front of him, head leaning against the window beside the bed. Hakuryuu was at his side, curling up into a ball as it took a nap. It woke up at the sound of the door opening, it 'kyuu'ed when it saw Mara and Sanzo but stayed at it's master's side.

"Hakkai?" Called Mara, not moving from the doorway.

"Yes?" Replied Hakkai, he snapped out from his thoughts, looked around and smiled at them. "Is something the matter?"

"Yeah, it's that red-headed kappa. Something is obviously wrong with him." Sanzo sat himself on a chair, placing his cigarette and lighter on the desk before him.

Mara closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed. "He's acting weird today. Yesterday he was all fun and flirtatious, today he's quite stiff and somehow distant. I happened to notice that you were staring at him several times during lunch time. Do you know anything that might be related to this?"

Hakkai sighed, running a hand over his hair. "Yes, I was, I was staring at him, I noticed his weird behavior too. I saw him staring at you Mara, he seemed bothered but I'm not sure why."

Mara and Sanzo exchanged glances. "I also saw you talking to him during lunch." Sanzo paused and waited for some reaction from Hakkai, when none came he proceed this almost investigation kind of talk. " Did he tell you anything?"

Hakkai shook his head. "No, I asked him what's wrong with him and he said nothing. He only told me that he was not really feeling well, that's all."

Again, Mara and Sanzo looked at each other. "Perhaps I should go and talk to him." She said not taking his eyes off Sanzo, seeking for some kind of approval from the priest.

Sanzo broke off the eye contact and snort, reaching for the box of cigarette on the desk. Placing it between his lips, he managed to mumbled out a few words. "Who are you kidding?" He lit it and took a long drag. He didn't realized that his previous remark caused Mara to frown at him. His remark also caused a spark of amusement in Hakkai's eyes, the ends of his lips were threatening to draw up in an amused smile. "He told Hakkai nothing and you expect him to tell you something?" Asked him after blowing out the smoke that he was holding inside his lungs.

Mara growled and got up. She walked towards Sanzo and looked down at him. "I have no doubt in my mind that I can get him to spill it, some of it at the very least. You'll see."

Sanzo looked at her and snorted again. "We'll see."

Mara smiled cynically at him and walked out from the room without another word, slamming the door behind her.

Sanzo snorted and massaged his temples. The migraine was getting worse with the way everything turned out.

"That was rare." Said Hakkai, he was no longer holding back the amusement that he felt, for it now showed in his eyes and smile.

"Shut up." Snarled Sanzo, not really liking the direction of the conversation.

"You were trying to protect her from getting hurt."

"No, I was being logical."

Hakkai chuckled at the flustered smoker. "Telling her that all of this mess was her doing and force her to clean it up is also a logical way of thinking. And yet you chose to discuss this matter with me and her."

"Another word about this and you're dead."

"Hai, hai."

"Kyuu."

* * *

Mara knocked on Gojyo's door and waited for him to answer. When only silence came, she let herself in after excusing herself. She found Gojyo seemingly asleep on his bed, she closed the door quietly and walked towards the bed. She sat at the edge of the bed and smiled. "I know you're awake, Gojyo."

Gojyo opened an eye and raised a brow. "How did you know I was pretending to sleep?" Asked Gojyo, he sat up and reached for the cigarette on the small table beside the bed. He lit it and took a drag, holding the smokes in as he enjoyed the aftermath of the nicotine entering his system.

"I didn't, I was just bluffing." Said Mara with a grin.

Gojyo choked on his smoke. He coughed like crazy, Mara had the decency to pat his back while laughing her head off. After getting rid of his coughing fit, he looked at Mara disbelievingly. "You sounded so sure, I thought you knew because I was too still or whatever."

"I was bluffing. But I do know that you are somewhat bothered by my presence."

Gojyo, was silent, he said nothing and continued smoking.

After a while of not hearing a word, Mara decided that she had to push him. "Did I offend you or something? Did I said something that hurt your feeling?" When Gojyo wasn't answering her, she felt the urge to slap him hard, real hard. "Gojyo?" Gojyo still remain silent, Mara had only two more tricks up her sleeve and using one of them would be really embarrassing for her. "If you are troubled by me being here, then I would gladly leave, Gojyo."

"It's not that." Said Gojyo, his tone a little too harsh than he liked it to be.

Mara wanted to say something but she kept silent, giving Gojyo more time to formulate his answer. After a few moment, Mara called him again to make sure that he wasn't lost in his own mind.

"I don't know why, but every time I see you and the others joking and laughing just made me feel angry."

Mara frowned, she had a hunch that this was the cause of Gojyo's weird behavior. She sighed and place a hand on her forehead. "I thought you were only joking when you were flirting with me. "

"It's not that I want you to be my girlfriend or whatever, but... Argh, I don't know."

The two fell silent, Gojyo carried on smoking, devouring one cigarette after another. That was until Mara asked Gojyo something that he never thought of for quite sometime now. "Did you have a good relationship with your mother? Or perhaps you have a sister that you... I don't know... hate?"

Gojyo was caught off guard, his eyes widen at the thought of his mother. Her tear-filled eyes and the beating that she gave him flashing before him. The pain and longing that she made him suffer.

"Gojyo?"

Gojyo turned and face her. "I have no sister." The understanding was dawning in on him, he now understood why he was angry and jealous to see Mara and Goku bonding so easily. He was afraid that he might be pushed to the side again, like how his mother pushed him aside and cling to his older brother for dear life. Gojyo smiled, hating himself for being so weak.

"Gojyo?"

"I was afraid that you might push me aside, like my mother did." He paused and laughed bitterly. "I was stupid for thinking that, right?"

"Aww." Mara cuffed Gojyo's face in her palms and looked at him sympathetically. "You are as stupid as you look." She slapped both of her palms to Gojyo's cheeks, her faced annoyed and harsh. "I would never push you aside for nothing, baka."

Gojyo groaned, rubbing his cheeks as soon as Mara let go of them. He saw Mara getting up and grab a hold of her hand.

"What?" Asked her maintaining the angry act for fun.

"You're not mad are you?"

Mara intentionally lengthened her silence, enjoying the guilty look on Gojyo's face. "No, I'm not." Said her with a grin.

Gojyo let go of her hand and watched her walked out from his room in silence. A small smile gracing his feature. He placed the cigarette that he was smoking on an ashtray placed on the little desk by his bed, leaned back to the wall behind him.

* * *

"Kyuu."

"How did it go?" Asked Hakkai as soon as Mara entered the room. Sanzo was still there, reading a newspaper, and Goku was present too.

With a triumphant smile on her face, she raised her hand to form a 'V' sign. "I told you I can managed this."

"Managed what?" Asked Goku, clearly no one had told him of Mara's quest.

"Nothing that you need to know Goku." Said Mara, sticking her tongue out. She walked to Sanzo, all the while ignoring the protest that the young brunet was giving her, and kneeled before Sanzo.

Sanzo stopped reading his newspaper and turned his eyes to met hers. "What?"

With a big grin upon her face, she giggled and smiled. "I told you so."

Sanzo snorted and continued reading, ignoring the girl kneeling before him.

Mara pouted and stood up. Goku had calmed down after Hakkai explained to him what they were talking about. He smiled at Mara and raised a thumb. Mara grinned again, stuck her tongue out to Sanzo, and walked to sit beside Goku on the bed.

Not long after, Gojyo walked into the room, crowding the room and noising it up.

_This is going to be a very long and exhausting journey._ Thought Sanzo to himself while reading the newspaper. With one hand, he pulled the gun out and released a shot aimed at no one in particular. "Shut up!"

* * *

A/N: I re-read everything and I realized that I was a very bad writer. I _think_ I've made a tad bit of improvement in my writing skill and will continue to edit this story. I don't know if I'll be able to have a real update for the next two months. Exams, exams, exams. _

Thanks for reading


	4. Late Night Chat

Disclaimer: Mara is mine. Saiyuki, unfortunately, is not.

* * *

Chapter 4: Late Night Chat

Another night on the road, another night under the tent. Gojyo sighed as he turned to his side. Goku was snoring loudly, giving the silent night a rhythm to enjoy alongside the occasional sound of crickets. Gojyo hated Goku for being able to sleep so peacefully, he had no doubt in his mind that he was not the only one awake. Though the other three adults seemed to be peacefully asleep, he noticed that their breathings were not as steady as the young brunet. Gojyo heard rustling from a sleeping bag, he turned and saw Mara rising from her spot. She looked around and spotted Gojyo looking straight at her.

"I'm going out for a walk." Said Mara quietly.

Gojyo sat up in his sleeping bag. "I'll go with you, it's not safe for anyone, especially a young lady like you, to wander around the forest alone." Said he as he got out from his sleeping bag and walked towards Mara.

Mara raised a brow, an uncertain smile playing on her face. "Persuading you to let me go alone would be pointless, huh?"

Gojyo winked but said nothing, his famous smirk carved on his face.

"Fine then, just be sure that you can stay quiet." Said Mara, turning away from Gojyo. She walked out from the tent without another word, she stayed that way as she wandered around with Gojyo by her side.

Gojyo did not seem to mind the silence for he was lost in his own thoughts, he was simply wondering about the woman beside him. He remembered the look that she gave the priest on the day that they first met. The way she dealt with Goku's concern, the familiar feeling that he felt when he laid eyes upon her. She was just too fishy. And Gojyo wasn't the only one that thought that way.

* * *

Hakkai fell silent at Gojyo's words. Gojyo had a point, something was off about Mara. He was not sure what it was but something was definitely wrong. Hakkai sighed and petted Hakuryuu absent-mindedly, the little dragon chirped and shifted positions on Hakkai's lap.

"To tell you the truth Gojyo, I have been thinking about this too." Hakkai stopped and observed the redhead's reaction. When Gojyo nodded for him to continue, Hakkai sighed again. "That night, when we ran into her at the village, I felt strange."

"Strange?"

Hakkai nodded. "I don't know how to say it but I felt like something was not right."

* * *

Gojyo puffed out smokes from his nose. Apparently, he had lit a cigarette while he was thinking about his conversation with Hakkai, he himself did not noticed the action, it was an act he carried out on habit. He noticed the nonchalant look on Mara's face, he studied her features a little bit closer only to find traces of steering emotions in her eyes. Gojyo looked straight ahead and saw more trees alongside the little path that they were walking on.

"So, have you and Hakkai come to a conclusion about me?" Asked Mara, startling her companion. Mara chuckled lightly. "Don't act so surprised, even a blind man could see the suspicion that the two of you harbor towards me." Said her, she had this calm smile on her face, her eyes twinkling in amusement at Gojyo's reaction.

"It's that obvious, huh?"

"Perhaps. But come on now, I understand if you don't trust me. Here you are, embarking on this grand adventure to the West to stop the calamity that is upon Shangri-La. And then this girl just appeared right out of no where to help you on this mission, the Kanzeon Bosatsu herself wanted you to take this girl along. If I were you, I wouldn't trust me either."

"And not to mention that this new girl had her eyes set upon Sanzo-sama from the very moment she laid eyes upon him." Said Gojyo with a smirk, the blush on Mara's face made him chuckled. "You think I missed that look, didn't you?"

"Shut up." Said Mara with a pout.

Gojyo laughed and ruffled Mara's hair. "But really, who are you?" Asked Gojyo after calming himself down.

"I'm not a goddess, not a demon, not a human... sort of."

Gojyo arched a brow. "Then what are you?"

"An aged creature that had lived for far too long, watched too many tragedies, seen too many evil, and suffered too many pain." Said Mara, a dark cloud was forming in her eyes, as if she was reliving her nightmarish memories. "I will tell you all about it when the time is right, I promise. But for now, I will not say too much about myself, for Goku's sake."

Gojyo was baffled, what did all of this got to do with the monkey? He wanted to asked her that but chose to remain silent. She had promised him that all will be explained eventually and she did say that she could tell him nothing for the time being. "Does Sanzo knows about this?"

Mara chuckled lightly.

* * *

"What are you?" Asked Sanzo sharply.

The already closed door opened, Mara walked in with an amused smile on her face. She fixed her eyes on the brooding priest before her. "What am I? I, myself, have been wondering about that from time to time now." Said her closing the door behind her.

"Don't fuck with me, I know that you are anything but normal. You smell like a demon but your own aura defies that."

The smile on Mara's face grew. "Observant, very observant, just like what Kanzeon said. Well now, why don't you try a little harder? I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out."

Sanzo pulled out his gun, aiming it at the person before him as he snarled. "It'll be a lot easier and faster if you would stop fucking around and tell me what you are." A soft click followed.

"Come now, that's no fun." Said Mara with another light chuckle. "And that gun won't work on me, just so you know." Said her with a small smile. She walked forward towards the blond and held out one of her daggers. "Here. If you really want me gone that badly then stab me on my heart with this."

Sanzo looked at her, suspicion replaced by curiosity. "If my gun won't work on you then what can a mere blade do?"

Mara said nothing as she held out her hand, rolled her sleeve, with one swift move she created a gashing wound on her upper arm. Her blood trickled down to the floor. "Shoot me with that gun." Said her.

Sanzo looked at her and noticed the resolute gaze in her eyes. He picked his gun and aimed it at her forehead. The hammer was already cocked, he added pressure to the trigger and the bullet was released. It stopped just a few centimeters away from her and dropped to the ground.

"This mere blade can actually kill me when your bullet couldn't even touch me." Mara placed one of the dagger on the bed, next to the priest. "You can keep that. Kill me when I become a threat to you."

"I will." Said Sanzo, taking the dagger and keeping it somewhere under his robe.

* * *

"Yeah he knows." Said Mara with a simple smile. She looked at Gojyo only to found a slight frown on his face.

"How much does he know?"

"Not much. He's as clueless as you are, I think he's letting me stay because I promise him that he can kill me if he think it's necessary to do so."

"So he promised to kill you?"

"Yeah."

"Ah, the thing that some people would do to be with their loved ones."

"Shut it cockroach."

"By the way, how far are you planning to walk anyway? Shouldn't we get back now? In case you haven't notice, we are too far off the camp."

"You go back. I'm still in the mood to walk around."

"If you're that eager to lose some energy, you should've asked that saru to bug the hell out of you." He took hold of her shoulders and forcefully turned her around.

"Okay, fine. We're going back now." She wriggled herself out of his hold and shot the redhead a questioning gaze. "Why are you so insistent on getting back to the camp Gojyo? Scared of the dark?"

"I don't want that prissy monk to go berserker on me just because I walk around the forest with his girl at this time of the night." Said he with a playful grin. He then started walking towards the camp.

"His girl?" Asked Mara, she walked alongside Gojyo and shot the man a confused gaze.

"Aren't you?"

"I don't know, what do you think?"

"Don't ask me, you're the one in love with that trigger-happy bastard."

"Well I honestly don't know. I'm not sure that this kind of thing is up for discussion."

"You two are hopeless."

Mara forced a chuckle.

They fell quiet for a short moment, then Mara looked at Gojyo with a determined look in her face. "Gojyo."

"Hn?"

"I know I'm not able to tell you much about myself but there's one thing that I can and want you to know."

Gojyo stayed silent, slightly surprised and confused at the sudden seriousness in her eyes.

"I will not let you guys fall. I will look after you guys, no matter what."

Gojyo raised a brow at Mara, who concealed a smile by turning away from him and continued walking back to the camp. Gojyo chuckled and rush after her, taking a place next to her right. "So now what? You're our guardian angel?"

Mara flashed him a smirk. "You could look at it that way."

"Are you sure you're our guardian angel? Or just Sanzo's?"

"Shut it." Mara reached out and smacked Gojyo lightly on the back of his head.

* * *

"You don't have to worry, Sanzo."

Sanzo averted his gaze to the older brunet sitting inside his sleeping bag. "Hn." He got out from his sleeping bag and took his cigarette pack, lighter, and gun outside. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag, holding the smoke in for as long as possible.

"Sanzo?" Called Hakkai as he stepped out from the tent.

"What?"

"Do you think it's okay to let her stay here?"

"I will kill her if she got in my way. It's not like we can kick her out now, that old hag forced us to take her."

"It's true." Hakkai smiled, for once with sincerity. His ears caught the rustling of the grass and looked up to find Mara and Gojyo chattering lively as they made their way back to the camp.

"See? What did I tell you? Sanzo-sama is worried about you."

In a swift movement, Sanzo threw his Harisen, which appeared out of nowhere, at the redhead. Thankfully, it didn't cut Gojyo on the forehead, leaving only a swollen spot.

Mara chuckled and picked up the fan. She walked towards Sanzo and gave it to him. "Next time you're worried about me, try to be more romantic about it." She smile mischievously and went inside the camp, leaving a pissed off Sanzo behind.

Hakkai chuckled uneasily, Gojyo laughed his ass off watching the pissed off priest, who was rooted to where he was standing.

A loud bang was heard, following on its heels was an angry monk's shouting. "Shut the fuck up!"

* * *

AN: Well, there you go, chapter 4. I cringed while reading this one, too many months without writing definitely made my writing skill rusty. Tell me if you like it or not. And be honest about it. =p

Laters.


	5. Wounded

Chapter 5: Wounded

"Kanzeon Bosatsu, are you sure?" Asked Jiroushin with his hands crossed in front of his chest, his eyes fixed on the Shogi board.

Kanzeon looked at him with her hands crossed in front of her chest, just like Jiroushin. "You mean about the move that I made just now?"

Jiroushin shook his head and made his move. "No, I mean about that girl."

Kanzeon then leaned back on the chair, "Oh, you mean about Mara, what about her?" asked Kanzeon as she stared at the board, predicting the movement that Jiroushin might make.

"I mean is it really ok to give the job to her?" Said Jiroushin as he moved one of the pieces.

"She's perfect for the job. She's strong, she's responsible, plus she's what she is, she's just the right person for the job." Said Kanzeon Bosatsu as she crossed her legs.

"I mean, about the rumor that she was…" Jiroushin let his words hung in the air, not daring to continue.

Kanzeon then looked at Jiroushin. "Yeah, I know. We'll just see how it all turns out." Said her making her move.

Thou Kanzeon said that calmly, she had been bothered by a thought about Mara. She had been searching thru piles of books but the answer that she was looking for wasn't written on any of those books. And the people that were related to her were no longer here, it looked like she was about to face a dead end.

* * *

"Damn, you are one heck of a girl." Said Gojyo as he and the others got off Hakuryuu. They walked into an inn and as always, Hakkai was the one taking care of the room renting business with Sanzo's credit card in his hand.

"What do you mean?" Asked Mara with her brow up.

Gojyo blew smoke from his mouth. "You know, you caught the attention of our prissy monk…" A gun on the back of Gojyo's head shuts him up in just a second.

"What did you said just now?" Asked the pissed monk, he was ready to pull the trigger and create a hole in Gojyo's head.

Gojyo broke a sweat. "Nothing, really, nothing at all." Said him with a forced smile on his face. "See what I mean?" Gojyo asked quietly as Sanzo turned his back on them.

"No." said Mara as she looked back at him back at him with a stupid stare. Gojyo let out a sigh.

Hakkai looked back at them and let out a smile, Goku noticed his smile and blinked. He followed Hakkai's gaze but didn't find anything funny or amusing in what he saw, it was just another bickering between Mara and Gojyo. Hakuryuu 'kyuu'ed seeing the confusion on the young brunette's face.

"Hakkai, why are you smiling?" Asked Goku still fixing his eyes on Mara and Gojyo.

"No, nothing at all." Said he, as his smile grew wider. Goku shifted his gaze towards Hakkai then raised a brow, he was getting really confused. Hakkai chuckled lightly at Goku; he smiled softly and fixed his eyes on the arguing duo. "It's been a while since Mara joined us, yet it feels like we have been traveling everywhere with her."

Goku let out a smile; he then looked at Mara and Gojyo, who haven't finished their argument. Then, Goku and Hakkai noticed veins on Sanzo's forehead, and then Hakkai began the countdown. 3, 2, 1.

"That's enough!" Yelled Sanzo as he reached for his harisen. The duo stopped and turned their heads just in time to be whacked on their heads.

"Damn monk, what did you do that for?" Shouted Gojyo after he recovered from the pain of being hit with the Almighty Harisen.

"Damn it Sanzo, it's rude to hit people on the head, where did you hide that harisen of yours anyway?" Said Mara as she held her head with her hands.

Another vein decorated the always temperamental priest's forehead.

"Forget it." Said Mara while turning her back at Sanzo. She grabbed one of the keys on the table leaving the guys with a scowl on her face and walked to her room. Hakuryuu 'kyuu'ed and left his master's shoulder, he flew towards the frowning girl and landed on her shoulder. Mara petted Hakuryuu and disappeared from the others' sight.

Hakkai and Goku exchange gaze before they walked off with smiles on their face.

* * *

"Just look at her blending in with them, it maybe hard to separate them in the end." Said Jiroushin as he stood beside Kanzeon Bosatsu.

Kanzeon smiled and crossed her hands in front of her chest. "No, if everything happen like what was written in the script, we will have a chance to steal her from them. If it doesn't go like how it was planned, we just have to tell Shiki to do it. Now all that we have to do is to sit back and wait."

* * *

Sanzo gasped for air while pressing the wound on Mara's tummy, trying to make the blood stop flowing from her stomach. As he cursed quietly, he leaned back onto the tree behind him. Head pressed to the tree in attempt to get his brain to work properly. It was his entire fault. Yes, hard to believe but it's all because of his selfishness. If only he wasn't that cold and give her a hand, she wouldn't be sick from putting the tent up in the rain. He placed a palm on her forehead only to found out that her temperature was higher than before. His breath hitched as he heard pairs of foot stepped on the grass behind him. He fell silent as he shifted his head, waiting for those people to show their faces.

"Sanzo?" Called the soft and worried voice that he knew, and he was thankful to hear the healer's voice.

"Sanzo!" Said Goku rushing to his place, followed by Hakkai and Gojyo. "How is she?" Asked Goku as he kneeled beside Sanzo, he held Mara's hand tightly in hope that the action would somehow woke her up.

Sanzo made no reply to Goku's question; Hakkai got to his knees and quickly began healing Mara's wound. It took him a while to close the wound.

"Her wound is close but she's still in danger, she lost too much blood." Said Hakkai after he managed to close her wound.

The four stared at her with concern looks painted clearly on their face, Sanzo tried so hard to hide it, but he failed miserably anyway.

"Well what should we do?" Asked Goku, one must possessed a very ignorant personality to miss the worry in his voice and face.

"We need to get to a village." Said Hakkai. And with haste, Sanzo-tachi made their way to a village nearby.

* * *

It had been three days since the accident; Sanzo-tachi have settled down in an inn, Mara was still unconscious. In those three days, Mara was stirring in her unconsciousness. She would cry and scream, muttering incoherent things, the stirring died out whenever Sanzo whispered something to her. None of the three knew what he said to her but it definitely calmed her down, and that was enough for them.

However, after she became quiet, Sanzo stepped out from her room, he went to his room to smoke. Hakkai would never allow him to smoke inside her room. So in his room he waited for another commotion to appear while he emptied more than two box of cigarette in a day. Not long after he finished his first cigarette, Goku walked into his room quietly with the same concerned face that he masked his face with for the last three days. He sat beside Sanzo on the bed.

"Nee, Sanzo." Said Goku after a moment of silence.

Sanzo lit a cigarette from the second pack and took a long drag from it. "What is it?"

"It's Mara."

"What about her?" Asked Sanzo after he let out the smokes he'd been holding in his lungs. He could already see where this was going.

"Will she be alright?" Asked Goku, he shifted his gaze from the floor to met eyes with his keeper.

Sanzo let out a long sigh; he placed a hand on his _pet's_ head. "Don't you trust her?" He met eyes with the youngster, the brunette nodded quietly. "If you trust her, why do you doubt her?" A smile rose on Goku's lips. His clouded eyes retrieved the gleam that was lost in the sea of anxiety. He let go of Goku's head.

"You're right." Said Goku as he got to his feet. "Thank you, Sanzo."

"Hmp, baka."


	6. Revealed

So as you all know, I am doing a major rewriting on this story. As I reread this chapter and the further ones, I realized how angsty the last few chapters are(I cringed while reading it). Well, I did intended the last few chapters to be kinda angsty but not this much. T.T...

Anyhow, you could tell me if it is angsty or if I was just overreacting(please tell me I'm just overreacting...). Oh, pointers are welcomed as well.

* * *

Chapter 6: Revealed

Red, crimson, blood. Everywhere, on the floor, on the wall, even on the ceiling. His blood, their blood, my blood. Our blood merged into one in this pool of blood. Why? Am I really that useless? Why couldn't I protect them? Does this mean that they were right all along, that I am good for nothing? They were, no, they _are_ those who I cared for deeply. Why? Why couldn't I save them? Am I not good enough? Is that it? Or is it because of me? Was it because of me? Because I was too close to them?

* * *

Mara's eyelids parted as she woke up. She realized that everyone in the room was circling around her bed. She sat up and felt hot tears streaming down her face.

"I'm glad you're ok." Said Hakkai as he smiled, all the tension that was building up inside him vanished the second Mara opened her eyes.

Mara tried to speak but instead of saying something, she began to cry.

"Mara, what's wrong?" Asked Goku.

Gojyo stayed silent, he hated tears, he hated a woman's tears. Watching her crying in her sleep was killing him, and now this? Once again, Mara managed to remind him of his mother. Gojyo looked away only to find the blonde staring at the girl. The priest seemed to be lost in his own mind.

"What's wrong? Does your wound hurt?" Asked Hakkai, he sat on her bed, hands on her shoulders.

Mara shook her head and lifted her head. "It's not my wound, it's just…" She broke into sobs; she covered her face with her hands. "Gomenasai." Said the girl between her sobs. Hakkai could do nothing but to exchange confused gaze with the other three.

Hakkai remembered that she was crying just a few minutes before she woke up, that was the reason why he had Goku to call for the chain-smokers that were next door.

Mara began trembling; she began to shiver so hard that Hakkai had to circle his arms around her to calm her down. Mara eventually stopped crying and was breathing steadily. "I'm sorry, I don't know why but I just can't help myself." Said her after Hakkai let her go.

Hakkai smiled at Mara, he forced her to lay back to bed. "Never mind that, how's your wound?"

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt at all." Said Mara.

As if Hakkai understood the guilt that shone forward in her eyes, he said "It's ok. You need to get some more rest for now." He covered Mara with the blanket that already covered her lower half. "Have a nice rest." Said him, preventing the others from asking something and kept her awake. He gestured the other to follow him out, so Mara could rest. She had been sleeping for almost a week but she hadn't been resting. Hakkai thought that after that much crying, she could sleep well. Yet Sanzo did not move from where he stood.

"Sanzo?" Called out Hakkai. Sanzo didn't reply, he only shot Hakkai a meaningful gaze. Hakkai smiled and nodded at him, he then left the room with the other two.

Sanzo was glad when Hakkai understood and didn't say or ask about it. He then took a seat at the chair beside Mara's bed, where Goku previously sat. Mara opened her eyes and looked at Sanzo. Sanzo stared back at that left grey eye that he came to adore.

Mara sat up and removed the locks that always covered her right eye, silently hiding the secret of her past. All Sanzo could saw was grey and golden. Golden right eye, the same golden that Goku live with, the same golden that Homura was born with and died with.

Sanzo said nothing; he was very surprised, he knew that there was something fishy about her eyes, but he never thought that she had mismatched eyes like a certain heretic god that already passed away.

"What are you?" Asked Sanzo after getting rid of his shock. His voice was monotone but inside he was tearing apart, he knew that heretics were forbid to fall in love.

Tears crossed her cheek, yet she wasn't sobbing like before. "I can't hide it any longer, Sanzo, not from you." Sanzo was silent; he waited for Mara to continue. "I'm a heretic, Sanzo. I'm half goddess half youkai." She shot Sanzo a pained look. "I can't be with you, Sanzo," Sanzo took a seat at her bed. "I will put you in danger, Tentei won't allow such thing to happen, he…" She was cut off by Sanzo, who hugged her tightly, Mara tried to push him away but that only made Sanzo to tighten his hands around her. She kept struggling until she began to weep again. "Sanzo please, I don't want you to get hurt." Said Mara between tears, she buried her face on his chest as he rest his chin on her head. "I don't want you to suffer because of me." Sanzo placed a hand on the back of her head; quietly he began to caress her head.

Mara kept on rambling about it and Sanzo didn't mind, as long it lifted the burden she carried because of her heritage, even just a small amount of it, he would let her do as she please. He now knew the reason behind the sad smiles masking her face when she thought no one was looking at her. He now knew the misfortune that she'd gone thru, he didn't need to ask to know. It was the same kind of pain that Gojyo went thru as a kid, only worse. At least Gojyo didn't need to keep on reminding himself that he couldn't get too close to anyone he care for just to keep them safe.

* * *

"Tentei, when are you going to take action against that wretched woman?" Asked one of Tentei's right hand men.

Rumor told tale of the Great Sanzo Priest and his companions. Along their way to the west they met a woman of golden eye, who ended up traveling with them and somehow made the priest fell for her. The rumor had cause quite a commotion in Tenkai. Tentei was furious and Kanzeon could do nothing about it.

"I already summoned someone to get her." Said Tentei. Thou his tone was calm, his voice was dripping with irritation.


	7. This Was Bound To Happen

Chapter 7: This Was Bound To Happen

A figure appeared in the room where Mara was sleeping, the light was off and the moon was hiding behind the clouds, making it hard to see anything in the room. Before he could get closer to the bed, he heard the sound of a gun's trigger being pulled. He was completely unaware of the presence of the gun wielder.

"Who are you?" Asked the gun wielder. The clouds moved and moonlight crashed into the room. Violet orbs met violet orbs. The intruder was surprised. He never thought that the great Sanzo-sama used to be his own kin. Obviously Kanzeon failed to mention this to him.

"Konzen…" The name escaped his mouth before he could regain his composure. The sound of the bed sheet rustling made them realize that Mara was stirring in her bed. _Well, so much for taking her away secretly_, thought the intruder.

"What's with the noise? I'm trying to sleep here." Said Mara with her eyes half opened.

Both men were silent as Mara was getting a grip on what was happening. When she recognized the black headed intruder, her breath hitched. "Shiki, what are you doing here?" Sanzo raised a brow at her respond. As if Mara noticed the raised brow, she quickly explained it to Sanzo.

"He's an old acquaintance of mine." She rose to her feet and walked towards Sanzo. She placed her hand on Sanzo's filled with gun hand, gesturing him to lower his weapon. They locked eyes and a wordless argument was created. The argument ended with a 'tch' from Sanzo as he lowered his Smith & Wesson. Mara gave him a faint smile. "And you haven't answered my question." Said Mara as she turned to face Shiki.

Sanzo could already feel the hostility emerging from both sides, and he was not oblivious to the cold stares filled with hatred that Shiki threw at Mara.

"It's time for you to go." Said Shiki coldly.

Mara did nothing but stare, it was getting harder for her to breath, she wanted to stay but she also wanted to leave and ensure the safety of the Sanzo-tachi.

"What are you talking about?" Asked Sanzo as he shifted his gaze towards Mara. "She's not going anywhere. She's staying here."

Mara shook her head. "No Sanzo, I can't stay here." Said Mara as she walked to the bathroom. "Shiki, I'm going to get changed, just hold him down or you won't be able to take me with you." The door closed and in that split second, Sanzo was down on the ground, a hand lock kept him from going anywhere.

Sanzo kept on struggling but unfortunately the skinny black headed guy was stronger than he looked.

Inside the bathroom, Mara was changing quietly. Instead of leaving the bathroom after she finished, she slid down to the floor and broke down. It was the same old feeling that she felt 500 years ago. She was burying her face into her hands. She felt so miserable. She would stay if it wasn't for the guys' safety, she knew how bad this would affect Sanzo and the others, but she got no other option. She could be selfish and stay with the guys, but she couldn't bear the consequences that she would have to carry if she was to follow her desire to stay. She thought she was ready to go through the pain once again, to part with him again. She thought that it will be as bad as the first time, turned out she was dead wrong. The first time she part with him was because of an accident, but this time she had to leave him. And leaving him wasn't an easy thing to do. She had to be strong. She didn't want to leave this place with teary eyes, she promised herself that she would be stronger. But no matter how hard she told herself to suck it up, she still had some tears running down her face.

* * *

"Let me off." Said Sanzo, he was struggling to break free. The man stayed quite and didn't loosen his grip on Sanzo. After a moment, Mara came out from the bathroom fully dressed. She kneeled in front of Sanzo and smiled sadly. Shiki grabbed Sanzo by the shoulder and forced him up, letting Mara faced him for what seemed to be the last time. She, still with the same sad smile across her face, placed a hand on his cheek. Sanzo saw her eyes wavered.

"I'm sorry about this, take care of the others." The moon hid back behind the clouds as she let go of him and stood up. Sanzo thought he saw a glimpse of tears running down her cheeks but he refused to believe that she was crying. If this wasn't what she wanted, why would she leave? Why would she leave if she knew that this was going to break her? Mara and Shiki disappeared from the room. Sanzo's memory gave him a flashback at what happened just then before Mara fell asleep.

_"I can't be with you, Sanzo, I will put you in danger."_

Those words kept on repeating in his head, hitting him right on the core. Was that the reason why she left? Was she really serious when she said that? Why would she hurt herself by leaving for the sake of everyone else's safety? Sanzo was lost, he was back in that state of mind he found himself in when his master died a decade ago. He got hurt by someone who disappeared from his life because of his own weakness. Was he really that stupid to make the same mistake twice? Time kept on running but Sanzo didn't seem to care, he just sat there on the floor, broken and unmoving. The only thing that was alive about him was his heartbeat. When the others found him later in the morning, he was unresponsive to their remarks and questions. Thou he was willing to answer a question that Goku asked.

"Where is Mara?" Asked Goku as he shook Sanzo by the shoulder. Sanzo's blank stare was planted on Goku's golden eyes. It was a big mistake for Sanzo because he started remembering bittersweet memories of Mara, the golden right eyed girl that had come to care for.

"She left." That was it, he hung his head again and closed his eyes. He was very tired of everything and wanted a long sleep. The other three looked questioningly at each other and placed the monk on the bed where Mara previously slept.


	8. Made Only To Be Broken

I've finally overcome this writer block about Mara's past a few weeks ago. I already have the plot but I haven't type it down... yet. I will try to finish it before Wednesday. Thanks for reading

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Chapter 8: Made Only To Be Broken

"I see you haven't finished torturing my cousin." Said Shiki to Mara as they walked towards the Great Hall, where Tentei was waiting for them. Mara could tell that Shiki was still upset over the death of Konzen Douiji.

"I'm sorry." Said Mara quietly, she was really sorry about Konzen's death. It wasn't any of those forced apology, she was truly sorry about it. She truly felt really bad about letting it happened to Konzen, she knew how much Shiki care about his cousin, thou Konzen never really gave a damn about Shiki. Mara could feel his questioning gaze towards her but she refused to look at him, she refused to look at those amethyst eyes. She knew if she took another glance at those eyes she would cry, the guilty feeling that was building inside her ever since she left the inn almost took control of her. It was the guilt that she held towards Konzen, Sanzo, and Shiki.

"Yeah right, like you mean it." Said Shiki with a snort, he wished to believe what Mara just said but he couldn't for some reason.

"I do mean it." Said Mara. "If I could save him back then, I would, if I should die in order to bring him back then I would."

"Then why are you putting him in danger?" Asked Shiki angrily, frustration was clear in his voice. Mara was near to tears, she knew that Shiki got a point, he was saying the right thing. "You put him in danger when he was Konzen Douiji, you guys were lucky enough that Tentei didn't found out about it and punished you both. Now you are putting him in danger. Again. As Genjo Sanzo."

Mara let out a heavy sigh. "I know. I was being selfish when I decided to let myself fall for him as Konzen, and I was selfish too when I decided to see him as his present self. Forgive me, I am a fool."

"If Tentei decided to kill him for this matter and let you live and suffer as a Toushin Taishi, I swear I will kill you myself." Said Shiki with gritted teeth. They have arrived on the door of the Great Hall. They both look at each other, Shiki had flaring anger in his eyes, while Mara was emotionless. Shiki couldn't read what was on her mind.

"If that happened, I will make you kill me." Said Mara with great confidence, she gave Shiki a smile, Shiki just sighed.

"You are weird." He said before he the door towards the Great Hall was opened for them, then Tentei's right hand man called their name and told them to come forth.

When they were walking towards Tentei, Mara could feel the cold stares from everyone in the room, it reminded her of the old days. When they got a few steps away from Tentei, both of them got to their knees and bow their heads.

"Mara, The Future Toushin Taishi," Called out Tentei.

"Yes, sir." Replied Mara obediently, she was laughing her head off in the back of her mind. She was always so obedient and polite in front of these shameful beings who gave her no respect. How ironic.

"Do you understand why you being summoned here today?"

"Yes, sir." And then Tentei started going about her heritage and how she had cause quite a commotion. Mara almost fell asleep when Tentei finally said his point.

"You will undergo a punishment to atone for your sin and then you will go to the west and stop the resurrection of Gyuu Mao. It will be your first duty as a Toushin Taishi."

"Yes, sir. And the ones that were assigned to journey there?"

"They will be dismissed. Kanzeon Bosatsu herself will bring the news to them."

Mara stole a quick glance to Kanzeon who was standing in the front row on her left side. Kanzeon looked frustrated and tired.

"Yes, sir."

* * *

"So, they went ruthless on your punishment I suppose?" Asked Kanzeon when she visited Mara's room later that day, Mara was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall, wearing a short sleeve and her usual pants, the bangs that usually covered her golden eye was cut up to the brow. She was full of bandages, everywhere but her head was bandaged.

"Mhm, have you talked to Sanzo and the others about the cancellation of their journey?" Asked Mara as she rested her head on the wall behind her, she closed her eyes when the pain shot up on her back.

"You seemed calm about it." Kanzeon took a seat on her bed, Mara opened her eyes and looked at Kanzeon emotionlessly.

"You aren't answering my question." The way Mara spoke right now, reminded Kanzeon of Sanzo. She raised a brow.

"You are beginning to sound a lot like Sanzo." Mara let out a sigh. She had very little patient that day and would be glad to beat the crap out of anyone who dare to work up her nerve.

"If you aren't going to answer my question, I suggest you get out from this room. I'm not in the mood to fool around." Said Mara as she opened her eyes and shot Kanzeon a cold stare.

"See, the way you speak, the words you chose, the way you looked at me. You act exactly like him." Mara threw Kanzeon a death glare, she was thinking about reaching her dagger and decorating Kanzeon's flawless skins with a few scratches and wounds, a few fatal wounds.

Kanzeon was going to push the matter further, but she changed her mind after she saw something flickering in her golden and grey eyes, pain and weariness broke thru that cold mask that Mara barricaded herself with ever since she arrived back on Tenkai. Kanzeon sighed and shot Mara a pitying look. After noticing the look that Kanzeon gave her just now, Mara gritted her teeth, she got up, ignoring the pain that was aching with her every move.

"They said that they are upset that Tentei pulled the plug on this journey just like that. I didn't get a chance to talk to Sanzo, he was asleep when I got there. They said that he was devastated that you left," Kanzeon gave a pause as Mara stood there unmoving, frozen on her way out. "they are all upset that you did left without saying goodbye to them, but he took it harder than the rest of the guys."

Mara felt a few tears slid down her face, she nodded and muttered a quiet thank you before she got out. Kanzeon sat still on Mara's bed, she was concerned on the well being of those two.

Broken hearts got mended when they got together in this relationship, mended hearts got broken again when one of them had to leave for the other's well being. Kanzeon wasn't thrilled when the thought that these two were made only to be broken entered her head, they were never meant to be by each other's side. Kanzeon sighed again and shook her head, she never felt so frustrated in her life before. She could only hope that she had enough mercy left for them, enough mercy to let them last a little longer. Just a little more mercy to let them enjoy their ending, the ending that was bound to be hard for the both of them. An ending where one of them was bound to face death.

* * *

Nee, I know that Toushin Taishi literary means prince of flame... or was it prince of war... either way, the title was meant for a male. So could you all forgive me for using that title on a female, please? Or you could just tell me the feminine version of the title... ;

Once again, thanks for reading.

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	9. Memories Will Remain as Memories

Not my best work I think... I've read it over and over again but somehow I don't think this one is good enough. I don't know, y'all will be the judge of that. I might come up with another version of this chapter... perhaps... .

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Chapter 9: Memories Will Remain as Memories

500 years ago

It was a calm and peaceful noon in Tenkai, just another ordinary day that could seemingly passed without anything going wrong. Well, it seemed that way until a screaming voice came tearing down the quietness that was covering the palace. The harmony destroyer was non other than Konzen Douji. Tenpou and Kenren, who were near the source of disturbance, snickered at the frustration filling his voice.

Tenpou was the first one to stop snickering, he then concluded that a certain chibi saru was the cause of Konzen's anger. "Goku. I wonder what he had done now?" Asked Tenpou to no one in particular.

Kenren shrugged. "Who knows? Why don't we go and take a look?" He grinned at Tenpou, who was nodding at his offer.

* * *

Somewhere inside the palace, Goku was tip toeing away from Konzen's office. Once he was sure that the clanking of his chains was out of Konzen's hearing range, he dashed out to the garden surrounding the palace. He approached a big sakura tree located in the middle of the garden, he was about to climb up the tree to hide when he noticed a woman with long grey hair sitting under the tree alone. Being the curious boy that he was, he approached the grey head to ask her what she was doing there alone.

"Anou…" said Goku when he was close enough with the grey head.

The woman seemed somewhat oblivious to the young brunette. It took a few moment before she showed any sign of recognition towards the kid. "Excuse me, did you say something?" Asked her softly, a small smile grew on her lips.

Goku was amazed at how sincere and calming her smile was, he had never witness something like her, at least not in Tenkai. Her aura gave the illusion that she was younger than her age, however her eye was a contradiction of that illusion, for it showed that she was aged and wise. But there was something else that was there behind that grey eye, something that Goku couldn't explain. Something that radiated a great sense of sadness.

The grey head notice the golden eyes, she then remembered the stories that a certain general told her about. A golden-eyed kid with shackles around his wrists, legs, and neck. "Forgive me if I am wrong but, are you the one named Goku?" Asked the grey head politely.

"Yes, I am Goku. But how do you know me?"

The grey head chuckled when she noticed Kenren and Tenpou coming. "Well, the one who told me about you is that general right there." Said her as she pointed towards the black headed general.

"Ken-niichan, Ten-chan." Said Goku when his gaze landed on the two. The chain-smokers waved at them, they then quickened their pace and approached the two. "Are you a friend of Ken-niichan and Ten-chan?"

"Ten-chan?" Said the grey head as she chuckled. By that time, the military men were already close enough to hear them talking. "Well, you could say that we are friends." Said she to Goku.

"She's more than a friend to me." Said Kenren as he winked, he took a seat next to her.

"Hello Mara." Said Tenpou as he stood in front of her.

"Ah, I see you are still a perv, Kenren. Hello, _Ten-chan_." Said her with a grin towards the two. Tenpou laughed at the name she used to refer to him. Before any of them could say anything more, the four noticed the child's keeper was stomping his way towards them from the distance.

"Shoot." Said the kid as he climbed the tree and disappeared from their sights completely in a matter of two seconds.

"Ok, what was that about?" asked Mara to the remaining two, who were letting out amused smiles at the arrival of the blonde god. Mara raised a brow.

"Where is he?" Snarled the blonde when he reached the sakura tree.

Mara shifted her gaze between the grinning duo and the angry blonde. "I'm sorry but where is who?" the amused smiles faded as the blonde's glare softened when he met eyes with her. "Well?"

"Saru." Replied the blonde solemnly. Tenpou noticed that the anger in Konzen had died out, it was replaced by a massive curiosity towards the grey head.

"Who?" Asked Mara with a raised brow. Kenren wasn't ignorant of the fact that Mara seemed to be amused by the sudden change of demeanor that Konzen displayed.

"Goku, the boy that I told you about." Said Kenren as he puffed smokes to the air, he was watching the two intently. He was wondering if this could be a start of something for the two.

"Oh, that boy." Said Mara, finally getting a grip on the situation. Mara would be lying if she said that she wasn't attracted at all by this blonde, but she wasn't at all interested by the idea that she and he could be more than just friends.

"Well?" Asked Konzen as he studied the faces in front of him, the three of them shook their head in union.

"Haven't seen him around." Said Mara with a smile.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Mara, I believe you haven't met Konzen Douji. Konzen this is Mara." Said Tenpou as he introduced the two to one another. Mara gave him a slight nod while Konzen was staring quietly at her.

After a brief moment of staring at one another, Konzen turned on his heels. "Tell that saru to go back immediately or he won't get any dinner."

After making sure that the blonde was no where around them, Mara looked up at the tree with a grin. "Heard that Goku?"

Goku's head popped out from between the leaves, he was grinning from ear to ear. "Yup." He jumped down. "Thanks so much for not telling him that I was hiding up there." Said he to the three.

"Ok, what did you do this time?" Asked Kenren with an amused grin on his face.

"Nothing, I just found some paper on his desk and played with it."

Mara laughed out loud, surprising Kenren and Tenpou who never saw her laughing that joyfully. Goku grinned. Mara stopped laughing and smiled at Goku. "Run along now, or no dinner for you."

"Bye-bye Mara-neechan, Ken-niichan, Ten-chan." Said Goku as she run towards his owner's room, all the while waving to them.

"So, what do you think about him?" Asked Tenpou.

"Well, he's a kid alright." Said Mara with a chuckle.

"What about the other one?" Asked Kenren with a teasing smirk.

Mara raised a brow and laughed. "Well, he's not someone that you would want to mess with." Tenpou and Kenren exchanged meaningful gazes. "What?" Asked Mara, she could already predict where this was going.

"He was staring at you." Said Tenpou with a hint of playfulness in his voice. The two waited patiently for her reaction but she only shifted her gaze towards her outstretched feet, there was a momentary of weird silence.

"It doesn't mean anything."

The other two were confused by the volatile mood of their female companion.

* * *

"There you are." Said Shiki as he found Mara sitting alone by Nataku's side. He walked over and sat next to Mara. "What are you doing?" Asked Shiki, Mara remained unresponsive so he followed her gaze. She was staring at the pond filled with blooming lotus, she was staring sadly at the form of the sleeping monk. "You miss him?"

"I was just thinking about the day that I met him." Said Mara, a half hearted smile was present on her face. "He was so pissed off with Goku for turning his documents into playthings." Shiki thought that Mara's voice was wavering, so he looked at her to found out if she was crying or not. What he saw was tears trickling down her face.

"I heard from Kanzeon that, you were trying to keep your distance from him at first." There was a moment of silence before Mara replied.

"Yes, I was."

* * *

It was late in the afternoon and the weather was hot. Mara was strolling down the place's garden like usual, she came to the big sakura tree where she first met Konzen and Goku. To her surprise, she found Goku sleeping there alone. She smiled and picked him up, wanting to return him to his care-taker but she was clueless of Konzen's place where about. So she decided to go towards the direction where last she saw Goku running off to. She had been only walking for a minute before she ran into the blonde.

"Mara." Said Konzen in surprise. He was searching for the chibi saru all day long, but he hadn't been able to find the kid even though he had walked around everywhere inside the palace.

"Konzen." Said Mara, she gave him a slight nod. "I was just about to drop him off but I don't know where your place is." Said Mara as her gaze sifted towards Goku.

"I'll take him from here." Mara then handed Goku over like Konzen wanted. "You should come and see where my place is. It's most likely that the next time you won't be so lucky, running into me like this."

Mara hesitated. She didn't want to get too close to him but at the same time, the blonde had a point. "Sure." She then walked with Sanzo to his place. It was silent all the way to the office, when they got to his shared bedroom. Mara volunteered to help Konzen tucking Goku in. After silently putting Goku on the bed, Konzen walked Mara to the door.

"Well, goodbye then." And she ran off, not giving Konzen a chance to say a word.

* * *

"What do you want?" Asked Konzen the second he saw Kanzeon walking into his office.

"I'm here to pick up the documents that you were supposed to hand in to me yesterday." Konzen silently gave the documents to Kanzeon. Kanzeon noticed that her nephew was strangely quiet, he did not say rude things like usual he just hand her the documents without saying a thing. "Your awfully quite." Said Kanzeon.

"You know about this girl named Mara?" Asked Konzen after getting over his hesitations. He looked up and found Kanzeon frowning.

"What about her?"

"Nothing." Said the blonde after seeing the sudden change on his aunt's expression.

Kanzeon walked to the door, she stopped and turned towards Konzen just before she reached the door. "Look, I'm not going to tell you to not get too close to her, but I will tell you to be careful if you are going get involved with her." Kanzeon then left her nephew baffled by her warning.


End file.
